I blame myself, but its tiring...

Deep in my mind, the abyss of craziness, rationality, irrationaliy and whatever else in there, I ask:
Is this really my chance to press this button --> [Restart] ??? To restart my chance to correct past flaws?
Or is this my time to see if someone can really appreciate, understand and really want to be with me, and for the right reasons.
From the time I understood the term maturity and responsibility, I understand that I am the only to one point and blame, otherwise, my silence is all they hear.

I am wrong because of this...
I should not have done this...
I am unhappy because of this...
My thoughts were irrational...
My actions were regrettable...

Me, My, I...burden, climb, resurface, learn. For too long I've blamed myself and watch others accept the open ride and live free without expanding their perspective of other possibilities.
Again, this may be a selfish thing to say, but sometimes being a little selfish is upholding your diginity and to say, enough is enough.

*shrug*

A choice to rejoice…(reposted)

Accept that is the best
We are living in our time, with our minds to move
shift gears to persue, why stay in cruise-
control that is your life, to fight to see the bright light
We have a choice
Spread your wings to rejoice
Opportunities will come
Mistakes cannot be undone, but learn
Yearn for success, force yourself from distress-
Call for the highs, neglect the low
This is your life, step forward and go with the flow.
-Apr18,2011

these chains are so hard to cut loose (reposted)

Ms. peace of mind is who we all seek
Sir Contentment and freedom are those we like to meet
Damn you, Mrs. Sentiment, for keeping our hearts hot
Control our thoughts, Mr. Commander us like bots

Please, unplug the power of sorrow
Revive, alive, bring me back to life tomorrow
I cannot take,
They hold me down, these chains you make

Please, Mr, Ms, Mrs, Sir, help me please
Remove these chains that are bound to me.
-Apr17, 2011

[Restart]

I remember on January 1st, 2011, I told myself, "I am going to be happy this year".
Nothing was going to stop me and I expected great things for myself. I was motivated, inspired and aspired to achieve great things, things that will make me happy as well as proud.

So I begin...

I wish

A text msg was able to put a smile on your face

A phone call was able to get your heart beat going

A hug was able to keep you feeling warm

A pat on the head made you giggle

Small gesture of chivalry made you feel special

Laughing at you, made you feel embarrassed

Feeling embarrassed brought out the best in you

Worries, brought out fears

Fears became the shadow that darkened the light

I wish there was something I could do

I wish I knew how to lend a hand

It may not be my responsibility.

But when I see you struggle, when I see and feel your sadness and your pain, my heart aches and tears flow; it becomes my responsibility.

I just wish I knew how to make your agony go away.

I feel so useless.

I wish for you to be happy and to find inner peace.

Emails at work

This is how my supervisor and I communicate: 

************************************************************

Wise-one,

All 53-million numbers are VICDs, but are all VICDs 53-million numbers?

Your answer will dictate how many corrections I need to make…

(please say “yes”)

Regards,

Kenny Fung

************************************************************************************************* 

 Grasshopper,

A wise man once said ’You can make some of the people happy all of the time and all of the people happy some of the time.’ Reflect on this and how many times you have been right before. Draw strength from that ‘cause I guess you have a lot of corrections to make. Many VICD have an intelligent numbering system and have been use here for more years than I can remember (a really long time). They look like ***-***-***, ***-***-****, ***-***-**** etc. 

The one who is not so great because she did not explain this properly. 

*****************************************************************

Too awesome!

(had to star out numbers, for confidentiality sake)

Trying to figure out what I can offer to this world...

Venom: WIP 5

Sculpting is finally done. Now for the fun part, painting and detailing! So excited! ^_^
Please provide some comments, if something looks werid to you, please let me know. Any constructed criticism is appreciated. thanks!

Click on images to enlarge.

Quotes on 'Knowledge'

"Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know." -Pema Chodron

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." -Erica Jong

"Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare." -Japanese Proverb

tinybuddha.com

Something Familiar

This feeling, my thought process, my advise, all seems oddly familiar. 

I hope the consequences will not be the same. 

It has been 6 years.

I don't need history to repeat itself.

1:50 am....

....

....

....

...

....

*sigh*

...

...

*sigh*, ish. 

I guess I'll just sleep.

Happy 'Cupid shoots an arrow on your bumbum' Day

Ok, its 12:38am, Feb 15th, so TECHNICALLY Valentines Day has already passed...lol, I only had time after Kung fu; started at 11:30pm.

Anywho, I wanted to make something, so here is my gift to all you couples, singles, men and women alike.
I still need to paint it, haha, forgive me.

Hope you all like. 

At this moment in time, I am bitter as fuck!

Was it wrong of me to be confused?
Was it wrong of me to ask?

Was it wrong of me to feel?

Was it wrong of me to even speak?

It was wrong of me to make you unhappy. 

:(

Venom: WIP 4

Another update; one where I was hoping to get more done, BUT...Starcraft got in the way. lol 

Anyways, I continued adding more layers, giving him texture and setting up wire armatures for his suit to pop out of his body.
I foresee another week of sculpting, unless I go gusto tomorrow; I'll see. 

Enjoy. 

Venom: WIP 3

A little sneak peak of what I have in mind for my Venom kit. As you can see, I don't want his symbiote suit to be clean and smooth. I prefer Venom to have a putrid feel, nothing constant, a suit in complete chaos. This piece will be my interpretation of Venom. 

Hope you all like.

My homemade spray booth! lol

Venom: WIP 2

Here is an update to Venom. 

I've puttied up all those cracks and crannies, sanded them down and hope it would be smooth, but because the parts are plastic with a glossy finish, it was difficult to see the imperfections. SOOOOO, what do you do? You spray the damn thing with a neutral colours because the imperfect contours will cast shadows, revealing areas I need to touch up on.

BUT, some imperfections will be kept, why? You'll see ;)

*RAWR*

Note: The legs are not glued to the body yet.

Note again: sanding fail. Need to putty up again. You see what I mean in the pics

There use to be a seam line down the leg. Touch up win!

See? Putty fail

BLEEEEEEEAAAHHH!!

Promises

My thoughts on "Promises". 

As early as the 12th century, when Japanese warriors lived by the code of Bushido, the way of the warrior, it was said that practictioners did not make promises, becuase the very words that came out, are a "promise" in itself. 

Thus, I am starting to turn away from making "promises" 

What is a promise? 

An obligation to deliver and the requestor feeling the need to place an obligation upon them due to the lack of trust. 

Now imagine a world where sincerity was absolute, thus making simple speech a display of integrity. 

There would be no fear, "trust" wouldn't be an issue.

It may seen idealistic, but is it really that farfetched? Is integrity and sincereity that diffficult to display? 

Think about it and just imagine...

_________________

Its simple.
Cause and Effect

A word on Art and Creativity

 A painting & modeling blog from Germany I follow posted their insight on art and creativity. This is what they said:

"you cannot TEACH art; creativity simply exists
you cannot STUDY it; you have to stop disallowing it's flow by getting intellect and the mind in between
you cannot BE an ARTIST; you are a being, every person is a creator
Your current education system and the study of aesthetics is one of dis-empowerment and deals with lower energies. It makes your heart stop feeling and your mind start thinking. when you judge creation you miss the whole point of it. Listen to your inner guidance."

...your thoughts?

Venom: Reference Material

I just want to share some reference material. This will give you all an idea how this bad boy will look once completed, at least how I want him to look. *cross fingers*

He is going to be one slimy, stringy mother f*cker! 

*RAWR*

Venom: WIP 1

Some of you have requested WIP pics...so they are.

I've begun my rework on the venom kit. First thing to do was disassemble the kit to sand down edges and fill in any gaps from my awesome gluing back in the days. If you look REALLY closely, I didn't ensure proper fit between different pieces...terrible! 

This was the initial assembly and paint-job. I'll be using this as reference later, to do a 'before' and 'after' comparison.

Take note of this amazing paint-job... -_-|||

This is where i begin re-sculpting the joints and filling in any seam lines that did not connect during the initial assembly

Nothing too impressive to see here, as this is the tedious stage of sculpting, sanding, re-sculpting, re-sanding, etc etc.This step may take several hours to ensure all joints and connections are smooth and cohesive. BUT, if it works out, it will create a wonderful base to paint on...where the real magic begins ;) 

In the mean time, feast your eyes on my dismembered Venom. lol

...till next time

How I started painting models...

I started my model painting hobby many years ago with Marvel figurines. It was one of those things I liked as a kid:

- the Marvel Universe

- art

- and collecting things

...so what was more suited than collecting figurines from the Marvel Universe, which also acted as a canvas for me to start something I never realized would last until today.

Back then, I think I was 12 (could be younger), I was so proud of my first piece; it was Ghost rider. I remember it being a challenge because I had to paint the flames on his wheels, it was such a doozy trying to figure out how to do it. I eventually did it and I was so happy with the results! LOL. 

I then went on purchasing the following:

- Spiderman

- Venom

- The Hulk

- The Thing

- Storm

(not in chronological order)

Each one got progressively harder in terms of technique and requirement. For instance, Spiderman...HOW THE HELL WAS I SUPPOSE TO PAINT THE WEB ON HIS COSTUME?! @_@

But anyways, I figured since my skills, technique and creativity have improved, I would go on a treasure hunt in my basement and find these lost and forgotten models and give them a face lift (sometime in the future). 

Without further adieu, the painted pieces I was so proud of...

My flame work I was so proud of. LOL (pitiful)

 

AMAZING WORK HUH?! I know!!! hahaha

Leave me alone! I was young! =p

Storm and The Thing are not here because Storm is missing an arm and The Thing...well...its The Thing. No one likes The Thing. LOL. I don't intend on fixing those two up. 

I think I'lll begin with Venom and Spidey. Followed up with The Hulk and then if I feel like it, Ghost Rider. (Nicholas Cage ruined Ghost Rider for me).

If laziness doesn't win, I'll come around and fix these up!
Let see what happens...

RX-78-2 ver.Ka - W.I.P 1

I've decided to get back into Gundam plastic modeling, aka "Gunpla". Being the geeky Asian I am, its time to make my mech-toys presentable.

Since I've started this hobby, I've simply just built them and put them on display, not worrying about seam lines, flash from the plastic spruce, or painting them. Two reasons:

1. lazy

2. needed an airbrush. 

But now that I've purchased my IWATA HP-CS Eclipse, its time to go artsy fartsy on these mechs! 

My next display piece will be the RX-78-2 ver. Ka (to those that know Gundam models). Full effort will be put into this model, (that means hours of sanding), painting and creating a display base. 

Why do this? Cuz I can! 

I have the creative juice and technique to turn a plastic toy into a display piece AND I like to take something ordinary and make it extraordinary!! *rawr!*  

Work station

Sanding down the support for engine boosters

...till next time.

First Lesson of 2011

Life is a story where things work at a particular time. Though presently unknown, it is always clearer when you turn back the pages. Stay true to yourself and help those you can. Just know that, sometimes the individuals you really want to help, are those you cannot. 

My first lesson of 2011.

My Rainy Day

It feels what it seems.

Why does it feel like I am not allowed to express my sadness, my disappointment, or my complaints. When the voice cries, I feel the need to stop the world for it, but when the voice is my own, its like watching a stormy day.

Your tears, your cowardliness, your silence, does not and will not mend my frown.

Easy come, easy go, thats just how you live

Take, take, take it all but you never give

Once upon a time I told myself, my complaints are meaningless, a waste of energy. When all it takes is a little effort and my emotions can be controlled.
But, I guess we all need to vent sometimes, right? Please tell me I am right. That, it is okay feel like a rainy day?

I'm sad. 

That is all, but like before, its not important.