heart fart

I hate when I cannot express what I feel.
There is so much I feel like I want to say, but in the end, how do I say?

It hurts to see...cry
It hurts to feel...last touch
It hurts to know...never laugh together again.

I don't know what to do...

I blame myself, but its tiring...

Deep in my mind, the abyss of craziness, rationality, irrationaliy and whatever else in there, I ask:
Is this really my chance to press this button --> [Restart] ??? To restart my chance to correct past flaws?
Or is this my time to see if someone can really appreciate, understand and really want to be with me, and for the right reasons.
From the time I understood the term maturity and responsibility, I understand that I am the only to one point and blame, otherwise, my silence is all they hear.

I am wrong because of this...
I should not have done this...
I am unhappy because of this...
My thoughts were irrational...
My actions were regrettable...

Me, My, I...burden, climb, resurface, learn. For too long I've blamed myself and watch others accept the open ride and live free without expanding their perspective of other possibilities.
Again, this may be a selfish thing to say, but sometimes being a little selfish is upholding your diginity and to say, enough is enough.

*shrug*

A choice to rejoice…(reposted)

Accept that is the best
We are living in our time, with our minds to move
shift gears to persue, why stay in cruise-
control that is your life, to fight to see the bright light
We have a choice
Spread your wings to rejoice
Opportunities will come
Mistakes cannot be undone, but learn
Yearn for success, force yourself from distress-
Call for the highs, neglect the low
This is your life, step forward and go with the flow.
-Apr18,2011

these chains are so hard to cut loose (reposted)

Ms. peace of mind is who we all seek
Sir Contentment and freedom are those we like to meet
Damn you, Mrs. Sentiment, for keeping our hearts hot
Control our thoughts, Mr. Commander us like bots

Please, unplug the power of sorrow
Revive, alive, bring me back to life tomorrow
I cannot take,
They hold me down, these chains you make

Please, Mr, Ms, Mrs, Sir, help me please
Remove these chains that are bound to me.
-Apr17, 2011

[Restart]

I remember on January 1st, 2011, I told myself, "I am going to be happy this year".
Nothing was going to stop me and I expected great things for myself. I was motivated, inspired and aspired to achieve great things, things that will make me happy as well as proud.

So I begin...

I wish

A text msg was able to put a smile on your face

A phone call was able to get your heart beat going

A hug was able to keep you feeling warm

A pat on the head made you giggle

Small gesture of chivalry made you feel special

Laughing at you, made you feel embarrassed

Feeling embarrassed brought out the best in you

Worries, brought out fears

Fears became the shadow that darkened the light

I wish there was something I could do

I wish I knew how to lend a hand

It may not be my responsibility.

But when I see you struggle, when I see and feel your sadness and your pain, my heart aches and tears flow; it becomes my responsibility.

I just wish I knew how to make your agony go away.

I feel so useless.

I wish for you to be happy and to find inner peace.

Emails at work

This is how my supervisor and I communicate: 

************************************************************

Wise-one,

All 53-million numbers are VICDs, but are all VICDs 53-million numbers?

Your answer will dictate how many corrections I need to make…

(please say “yes”)

Regards,

Kenny Fung

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 Grasshopper,

A wise man once said ’You can make some of the people happy all of the time and all of the people happy some of the time.’ Reflect on this and how many times you have been right before. Draw strength from that ‘cause I guess you have a lot of corrections to make. Many VICD have an intelligent numbering system and have been use here for more years than I can remember (a really long time). They look like ***-***-***, ***-***-****, ***-***-**** etc. 

The one who is not so great because she did not explain this properly. 

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Too awesome!

(had to star out numbers, for confidentiality sake)